memory and masochism

so... i'm downloading stuff right now. what that means for me is i've got time to kill. what this means for you is blog post. i'm telling you this up front so you don't have any quality expectations. (ha! as if you had any!)

thinking of quality expectations, i've been thinking a lot about the quality of my videos. i think i need an upgrade. but since i don't have any talent, i'm going to have to rely on smoke and mirrors. in other words, better editing software. which is what i'm downloading. which is why you now have a blog post from me.

which brings me to something i really feel i need to discuss with you before we go any further. seriously, i need to know why you continue reading this. it's obviously not for the witty humor, the intelligent dialogue, or the unique point of view (which are severely lacking). so why do you do this to yourself? it's rather masochistic and i'm becoming rather concerned. and i just want to let you know i'm here for you to get you through this low point in your life. i'll do anything... except improve the quality. or stop writing all together, which is probably what i should do. but hey, you're not the only masochist here, ok?

ha! it always cracks me up writing stuff like that. writing as though there's an audience! hilarious! XD

you know, it's been aggravatingly more apparent lately that time just doesn't flow properly for me. i mean, the now is alright. but keeping track of dates coming in the future, and measuring the past is where the problems start. future dates just seem to come out of nowhere and hit me over the head! total surprise attack! which is odd since it's not like i couldn't see it coming. and the past is even worse! how long ago did that last thing happen? two days ago? two weeks ago? two months ago? it's all the same to me! seriously! anything past yesterday all kinda melts together, and even this morning is a little foggy.

you know those exercises that you would sometimes have in classes where you had to recall what you had for breakfast? well sometimes i would lie just so i wouldn't have to be embarrassed when my turn came and i was the only one who didn't remember.

so i really only remember big events and holidays and things that take place surrounding big events and holidays. also, the more often i do something, the more the memories melt together. like i remember going to Warped Tour cuz i only went once. the Hellogoodbye shows, however, are starting to get a bit fuzzy. and i've only been to three.

*sigh* my memory is a weird and barely functional thing. :/