Thursday, March 18, 2010

The Envelope Theory

Much like the the Grassy Knoll Theory, The Envelope Theory is deficient in logic and shrouded in mystery.

The Crime Scene (?):

The table in the lobby at the sister company next door.


1 FedEx Envelope set (thrown?) down to be picked up for delivery

1 Phone System gone wonky

The Theory:

Someone (or I) tossed the envelope on the table and, in the process, hit the button on the phone causing it to go into Night Mode*.


couldn't this just be the result of a technical glitch, like we origianally suspected?

NO! this theory was pulled fresh out of my ass! there's no way anything else could have happened! besides, it's not like the repair man has been called several times before!


ok, so basically, coworkers start coming into the front office wondering what's up with the phones. why are they getting emails about them not working?

my office mate and i look at the phone to see it is in Night Mode. Neither one of us set it to Night Mode, and we're the only ones with Night Mode buttons. so we call the phone company.

while we wait for a repair man, The Envelope Theory is revealed. and at first, i accept The Envelope Theory. and had it not been for the condescending manner in which The Envelope Theory was introduced, i probably would have set it out of my mind and moved on. but i had been rubbed the wrong way, thus inciting the need to put things right.

whilst doing my mind-numbingly dull work, my mind began churning out logic. if it happened when i put down an envelope yesterday, how had we recieved calls earlier in the morning? since then, how had the phone set itself to Break Mode? twice? were people now throwing envelopes at it for sport? unless they've moved tho phone, then i would have had to have tossed the envelope toward the left. i'm right handed, so that didn't happen. and finally, as my office mate pointed out, the trajectory is all wrong! the button is just high enough that for it to be hit by an envelope, the envelope would have to be tossed at a very peculiar angle.

the evidence just doesn't add up.

see?!!! Grassy Knoll all over again people!

*When in Night Mode, the phone doesn't ring and goes straight to voicemail.

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