so i just came in from lunch. late. because i was at a really good part in the book. well, all the parts are good. but that's beside the point.
the point is this. i gathered my things. i kept reading. i stood up. i kept reading. i turned around and walked to the door. i kept reading. and it was at this point that i didn't stop reading, but i had a feeling i haven't felt in years. i suddenly remembered ages 10-19, literally walking around reading. i would wake up and start reading. i would brush my teeth reading. i would walk through school hallways, dodging people, reading. i would even shower, with the door partly ajar, book propped on the toilet, towel nearby so i could turn pages with a dry hand. on the weekends, when i didn't have to sleep, i wouldn't. i would just keep reading.
and then, suddenly, that stopped. i don't know when it stopped. i can't mark the time or place. i just stopped reading like i used to. in fact, i stopped reading good old fashioned books in their booky form completely. e-books, and audio books as of late. but no sitting down with bound paper.
and this has bugged me. i mean, it really has bugged me. but it's one of those things that just nags at the back of your head and you just keep saying, "yes, later. yes, later." and sometimes i actually stop and feel a little ashamed, cuz i can't actually pinpoint when later will actually be.
and then today. that moment. that JUST happened.
...
i was me. i didn't even realize i hadn't been until i was again.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
two rules: clever, not stupid
blog, i have just experienced an epiphany: i, like John Green's Will Grayson, live by two rules. not nearly as drastic as his "shut up, and don't care," but easily just as ridiculous.
1. don't be stupid.
2. be clever.
i know what you're thinking. "seriously, Chelsea? you should really consider condensing that list to the ONE item that it is." but hear me out.
i had this epiphany in the printer room. as i was waiting for my print, i was thinking about how i would need to tell my coworker why there would be pages missing. i thought it would be clever to say that they had been "eliminated from existence" and i was working out the wording of this particular bit of cleverness, when i realized that i was working out the wording of this particular bit of cleverness. you wouldn't believe how much time in my life is spent working out the wording, and the general presentation of bits of cleverness. which lead me to also realize how much time i dedicate to not being stupid.
so first, and this is the most important one: don't be stupid. i don't mean, book-learned don't be stupid. anyone can be book-smart and still be a moron. i mean don't say or do anything that could be perceived as stupid. don't show insecurities, or weaknesses, or ignorance. in fact, don't enter into situations you don't know much about... well, ever.
and second: be clever. at any time you can possibly think of something clever and/or witty to say, say it. if it's not clever or witty, it's probably best unsaid. and since it's a little weird to be a mute, this means that most things i say have to be, on some level, witty or clever. this means most things that come out of my mouth are "tried and true" or are rehearsed in my head (granted, a quick rehearsal, but a rehearsal all the same). "tried and true" statements are things i've said before and have gone over well. most things i say are just a slightly tweaked version of a "tried and true." everything else gets a quick once over in my head. i always had something clever to retort. i never needed to pause long enough to be perceived as stupid.
the really crazy bit is i'm actually not as big on my two rules as i used to be. once upon a time, before entering social situations, i would think of the stories i might tell. and i would think of all the different reactions people could have. and i thought of all the clever things i could say to each different reaction. if people only knew that i was just saying lines. a moment to think about it wasn't thinking, it was a timed pause. their honest reactions were just my cues. a laugh - say this. challenge my remark - shoot back with the counterpoint.
one of the major problems with thinking of every possible reaction someone could have to whatever you say is that you're never surprised by anything. no conversation is original cuz you've already played it out in your head. after a while, conversation gets VERY boring. it's no wonder i've always had a small group of friends. it's only after a while of rehearsed conversations that i ever feel comfortable enough to be "spontaneous" and go improv.
now, again i say i'm not as big on my two rules as i used to be. but then it's very easy to "not be stupid" and "be clever" on the fly when you've already been doing it for over 10 years. in other words, i'm not as into them because i don't HAVE to be into them. nowadays i can coast on autopilot.
and for the record, just because i'd had my epiphany about cleverness, doesn't mean i didn't walk right up to my coworker and spit out my clever line, executed with the timing that only years of practice can provide. it was an epiphany, not an inspiration.
however, i have been inspired to try very hard at VidCon, the biggest social event i'll be involved in all year, to leave my rules behind. from Thursday night to Sunday night, for 72 hours, i'm going to put my script away, not even "improv," just say the genuine thoughts that come to my head. no flash rehearsals.
so... i'll let you know how that goes.
((NOTE: ironically, since the universe never misses the chance at a good laugh, the preview function for my blog isn't working. i almost ALWAYS find mistakes while looking at the preview view. what this means is that i can't properly do the editing that keeps me from looking stupid and occasionally allows me to seem witty and clever. classic.))
1. don't be stupid.
2. be clever.
i know what you're thinking. "seriously, Chelsea? you should really consider condensing that list to the ONE item that it is." but hear me out.
i had this epiphany in the printer room. as i was waiting for my print, i was thinking about how i would need to tell my coworker why there would be pages missing. i thought it would be clever to say that they had been "eliminated from existence" and i was working out the wording of this particular bit of cleverness, when i realized that i was working out the wording of this particular bit of cleverness. you wouldn't believe how much time in my life is spent working out the wording, and the general presentation of bits of cleverness. which lead me to also realize how much time i dedicate to not being stupid.
so first, and this is the most important one: don't be stupid. i don't mean, book-learned don't be stupid. anyone can be book-smart and still be a moron. i mean don't say or do anything that could be perceived as stupid. don't show insecurities, or weaknesses, or ignorance. in fact, don't enter into situations you don't know much about... well, ever.
and second: be clever. at any time you can possibly think of something clever and/or witty to say, say it. if it's not clever or witty, it's probably best unsaid. and since it's a little weird to be a mute, this means that most things i say have to be, on some level, witty or clever. this means most things that come out of my mouth are "tried and true" or are rehearsed in my head (granted, a quick rehearsal, but a rehearsal all the same). "tried and true" statements are things i've said before and have gone over well. most things i say are just a slightly tweaked version of a "tried and true." everything else gets a quick once over in my head. i always had something clever to retort. i never needed to pause long enough to be perceived as stupid.
the really crazy bit is i'm actually not as big on my two rules as i used to be. once upon a time, before entering social situations, i would think of the stories i might tell. and i would think of all the different reactions people could have. and i thought of all the clever things i could say to each different reaction. if people only knew that i was just saying lines. a moment to think about it wasn't thinking, it was a timed pause. their honest reactions were just my cues. a laugh - say this. challenge my remark - shoot back with the counterpoint.
one of the major problems with thinking of every possible reaction someone could have to whatever you say is that you're never surprised by anything. no conversation is original cuz you've already played it out in your head. after a while, conversation gets VERY boring. it's no wonder i've always had a small group of friends. it's only after a while of rehearsed conversations that i ever feel comfortable enough to be "spontaneous" and go improv.
now, again i say i'm not as big on my two rules as i used to be. but then it's very easy to "not be stupid" and "be clever" on the fly when you've already been doing it for over 10 years. in other words, i'm not as into them because i don't HAVE to be into them. nowadays i can coast on autopilot.
and for the record, just because i'd had my epiphany about cleverness, doesn't mean i didn't walk right up to my coworker and spit out my clever line, executed with the timing that only years of practice can provide. it was an epiphany, not an inspiration.
however, i have been inspired to try very hard at VidCon, the biggest social event i'll be involved in all year, to leave my rules behind. from Thursday night to Sunday night, for 72 hours, i'm going to put my script away, not even "improv," just say the genuine thoughts that come to my head. no flash rehearsals.
so... i'll let you know how that goes.
((NOTE: ironically, since the universe never misses the chance at a good laugh, the preview function for my blog isn't working. i almost ALWAYS find mistakes while looking at the preview view. what this means is that i can't properly do the editing that keeps me from looking stupid and occasionally allows me to seem witty and clever. classic.))
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
YouTube Spam
hello blog! wow! it's been a WHILE! did you miss me?!
ok, that was rhetorical. we both know you didn't, but that doesn't mean you should say so!
ok, so i found this little gem waiting for me in my email this morning. take a gander:
so there are several flaws in this proposition. let us go through them now.
ok, that was rhetorical. we both know you didn't, but that doesn't mean you should say so!
ok, so i found this little gem waiting for me in my email this morning. take a gander:
so there are several flaws in this proposition. let us go through them now.
- ok first, this is an ad. it is trying to entice people. "If you jus tried a bit harder you wud get notice more" that's kind of insulting. they're saying i'm not trying hard enough? also, "You cud do well to watch it". F you! you condescending prick!
- "this is the first time i saw a real Vid No the people acting up for the cam n stuff u got raw talent." i'd say, anyone watching YouTube for a "long time" has most likely seen a "real vid." it's just plain statistics. not to mention, EVERYONE is "acting up for the cam"!!! psych 101, anybody? and finally, i think we can all agree that there are many vloggers with far more "raw talent" than i possess! *cough*Lydia*cough*Meg*cough**choke*charlieissocoollike*cough**splutter**cough*vlogbrothers*cough* whoa! written cough attack! brutal!
- apparently, ol' Marcus was simultaneously inspired by 21 individuals. AMAZING! all of us, just oozing with untapped "raw talent"!
- Marcus apparently goes by the alias Emeline Tery Anese (emelineteryanese). what i can only interpret as three female names. fascinating.
- who the eff is emalineteryanese?!?! your ad might be a little more convincing if ANYONE knew who the fuck you are.
- improper use of gratuitous punctuation. i mean, seriously! "amazing video!!!!!!!.." and you've all read my writing! there's an example of gratuitous punctuation in my last point(s)! i enjoy gratuitous punctuation! ...and smileys. but i digress.
- you didn't think i wasn't gonna mention the grammer (or, more precisely, the lack thereof) did you? seriously, this is the piece de resistance!
- the optional punctuation. sometimes we end our sentences with a period, sometimes we don't. completely random!
- the random capitalization of the word "vid" along with the lowercase "i's". freakin' hell!
- misspelled words that i just found generally offensive (in order of appearance): cam, n, jus, wud, alot, ya, and cud. yes, i know that "cam" and "ya" aren't that offensive, but in conjunction with the rest of this mess, they're intolerable.
Friday, June 18, 2010
experiment experiment
so I just got swype and it's silk in beta and I'm trying to see how fast I can go without errors.so I'm not going to correct anything so if something doesn't make sense its not my fault and remember I'm still learning.or getting used to making gestures.so far I don't think its too much gayer.although I must say so far this is easier.well I suppose well see when I read this back.I think the result will be nothing be says a computer and keyboard.but this is still a cool idea.
action
action
Sunday, May 30, 2010
where's the beach?
i'm home! and then there was no internet!!! and then my mommy fixed it. apparently the power plug to the modem died. so, new power plug and all is well. (this is a nerd house, so we already had a new plug. ♥)
so today after the Guide meeting (which i attended whilst en route with the Skype app on my beloved Droid), i went to Redondo Beach with my family. that is, my mom, my brother, my aunt Roxanne, my aunt Judy, and my cousin Jay*.
because my aunt Roxanne is cheap and would rather walk half a mile than spend $10 on parking (no. literally.) we walked for way to long to get to - the "King's Wharf" or something?? we were supposed to end up at the beach. ya know. sand, water, and more sand, and then more water. but we never made it there. only my family wouldn't be able to figure out how to get to the large expanse of sand and water that stretches 840 miles (from the top to the bottom of California).
i just got very distracted by tweets midway through my last sentence, started clicking the links on said tweets, and it took me an hour to get back to finishing this blog. :/
now i'm just too sleepy to say anything else worth saying. if i continue, it will just end up as worthless gibberish. or wait, i think that constitutes the entire contents of this blog. shit. :/
*his actual name is John. i've asked both he and my mother why i call him Jay, and both said, "i don't know. that's just the way it's always been." so yeah.
so today after the Guide meeting (which i attended whilst en route with the Skype app on my beloved Droid), i went to Redondo Beach with my family. that is, my mom, my brother, my aunt Roxanne, my aunt Judy, and my cousin Jay*.
because my aunt Roxanne is cheap and would rather walk half a mile than spend $10 on parking (no. literally.) we walked for way to long to get to - the "King's Wharf" or something?? we were supposed to end up at the beach. ya know. sand, water, and more sand, and then more water. but we never made it there. only my family wouldn't be able to figure out how to get to the large expanse of sand and water that stretches 840 miles (from the top to the bottom of California).
i just got very distracted by tweets midway through my last sentence, started clicking the links on said tweets, and it took me an hour to get back to finishing this blog. :/
now i'm just too sleepy to say anything else worth saying. if i continue, it will just end up as worthless gibberish. or wait, i think that constitutes the entire contents of this blog. shit. :/
*his actual name is John. i've asked both he and my mother why i call him Jay, and both said, "i don't know. that's just the way it's always been." so yeah.
Friday, May 28, 2010
in the future
hello blog!
so, i am very excited about VidCon. i mean, VERY excited. i mean, i think about it at least once a day. if it's not getting stuff to be signed and how i'm going to acquire those signatures for both myself and the Guide, then it's the birthday celebration part of the weekend and figuring out the logistics of it.
turning another year older is not impressive to me in the least. in fact, i would very much like NOT to get a year older. the celebration with friends who normally are in different states and countries however, sounds wonderful!
there are two things i'm doing, appropriately on video, for VidCon.
1) i'm doing a three part series (there are three History Mondays on 5BD till VidCon) covering cameras and video and the like.
2) i'm going to be vlogging every day from June 9th - July 8th in a project designed for all those going to VidCon to a) get to know each other and b) dust off those neglected channels and get reacquainted with video making. VidCon does, after all, stand for Video Conference.
so last night i watched a bunch of Gears' (the one responsible for this brilliant idea) videos and he did a thing where he vlogged every day in March. (i don't know if he was aware of VEDA at the time) and he did it so that he would stop planning every aspect of his videos, from his background to his clothing. and this new project of his, vlogging every day till VidCon, will help me achieve goals a and b, but it will also help me do what Gears did in March. stop being so freaking self-conscious!!!
i've done it with this blog. my last blog post would NEVER have happened if i had been self conscious about it. it's so fangirl! "i don't want to be seen as a fangirl! ugh! i'd rather be dead!" and, of course, everyone reading my blog is going to disregard every post i've ever written before, and every blog after, and judge me solely on the "fangirl blog."
so i need to have the same approach with my vlog. nothing will ever get posted to that channel if i keep being self-conscious about it! i have footage from at least 2 or 3 videos that i've never posted because i was too self-conscious.
so while we're talking about things i'm going to start doing, i've been wanting to do something, another device to get me vlogging, less self-conscious and getting to know people better: no comments, only vid response.
i can record video and post to YT straight from my phone, and my video camera has a feature to download straight to YT, so it's not like loading a bunch of response videos would be a hassle. i have a small arsenal of technology that makes it incredibly easy. so after VidCon, this is my plan!
also, Daily Booth. i HAVE NOT been posting to DB enough! and once again, it's because i don't want to take a boring picture. god forbid i'm not perceived as absolutely brilliant and fascinating! so expect those a bit more often as well! :)
so that should more or less cover my online plans for the next 2 months. XD
so, i am very excited about VidCon. i mean, VERY excited. i mean, i think about it at least once a day. if it's not getting stuff to be signed and how i'm going to acquire those signatures for both myself and the Guide, then it's the birthday celebration part of the weekend and figuring out the logistics of it.
turning another year older is not impressive to me in the least. in fact, i would very much like NOT to get a year older. the celebration with friends who normally are in different states and countries however, sounds wonderful!
there are two things i'm doing, appropriately on video, for VidCon.
1) i'm doing a three part series (there are three History Mondays on 5BD till VidCon) covering cameras and video and the like.
2) i'm going to be vlogging every day from June 9th - July 8th in a project designed for all those going to VidCon to a) get to know each other and b) dust off those neglected channels and get reacquainted with video making. VidCon does, after all, stand for Video Conference.
so last night i watched a bunch of Gears' (the one responsible for this brilliant idea) videos and he did a thing where he vlogged every day in March. (i don't know if he was aware of VEDA at the time) and he did it so that he would stop planning every aspect of his videos, from his background to his clothing. and this new project of his, vlogging every day till VidCon, will help me achieve goals a and b, but it will also help me do what Gears did in March. stop being so freaking self-conscious!!!
i've done it with this blog. my last blog post would NEVER have happened if i had been self conscious about it. it's so fangirl! "i don't want to be seen as a fangirl! ugh! i'd rather be dead!" and, of course, everyone reading my blog is going to disregard every post i've ever written before, and every blog after, and judge me solely on the "fangirl blog."
so i need to have the same approach with my vlog. nothing will ever get posted to that channel if i keep being self-conscious about it! i have footage from at least 2 or 3 videos that i've never posted because i was too self-conscious.
so while we're talking about things i'm going to start doing, i've been wanting to do something, another device to get me vlogging, less self-conscious and getting to know people better: no comments, only vid response.
i can record video and post to YT straight from my phone, and my video camera has a feature to download straight to YT, so it's not like loading a bunch of response videos would be a hassle. i have a small arsenal of technology that makes it incredibly easy. so after VidCon, this is my plan!
also, Daily Booth. i HAVE NOT been posting to DB enough! and once again, it's because i don't want to take a boring picture. god forbid i'm not perceived as absolutely brilliant and fascinating! so expect those a bit more often as well! :)
so that should more or less cover my online plans for the next 2 months. XD
Thursday, May 27, 2010
OK Go Show
hi blog!
so usually i don't write anything because my life is really boring and i don't have anything to say and i'm not creative or intelligent enough to just pick some random topic to write about. but is that the reason i haven't written? NO! i've actually had things write about and instead i'm just like, "hmm. i should write a blog later." and then later never comes. :/
so, because this is the most exciting thing that's happened as of late, i'm gonna talk about going to see OK Go. because i've loved this band since '02 and yet last Friday was only the SECOND time i've seen them. as opposed to Hellogoodbye, which i also LOVE and i've seen them like 4 times. twice in the past year.
but back to OK Go!
so first, let's go back, way back to Chelsea's late teenage years. this is summer '02 and i've just graduated HS. i'm hanging out at my now ex-best friends house and she goes, "oh my god! listen to this song! it's so weird! it says something about a Cadillac or something... just listen!"
the line she was referring to goes like this, "Aren't you just catch, what a prize, got a body like a battle axe. Love that perfect frown, honest eyes, we oughta buy you a Cadillac!" and i will never forget that hot summer day, August, standing in her living room. it was the kind of hot where the artificial cold being pumped out of the vents only reminds you of how hot it really is because it's serving to mask the heat. and i'm standing there, listening to these crazy lyrics, going, "what??? *listens* what??? *listens* what???" (by the way, put a full valley girl accent on that quote, and you'll know exactly how i sounded.) fast forward to me downloading the song (illegally) when i get home. then downloading the whole album. watch me read OK Go's bio on allmusic.com. watch me look at this picture
now go to last Friday. me and Tiff are somewhere in the mid-center of the crowd. good view. at the Fonda. way bigger than the Troubadour, but still small. and imagine my absolute thrill when the lead singer plays the acoustic song off the album right in the center of the crowd. right in front of me and Tiff! i'm too deep in awe to do anything but stare.
he jumps off the stage later on, right in front of us again. and i touch his back. like an affirmation, after all these years, that such a thing is possible. yes, he's real. and every now and then during the night, i catch a glimpse of that same secret smile. my reaction now is identical to my reaction 8 years ago.
well, i have to go to bed now. i could say a lot more. but it's too late. and all for the best i suppose.
so usually i don't write anything because my life is really boring and i don't have anything to say and i'm not creative or intelligent enough to just pick some random topic to write about. but is that the reason i haven't written? NO! i've actually had things write about and instead i'm just like, "hmm. i should write a blog later." and then later never comes. :/
so, because this is the most exciting thing that's happened as of late, i'm gonna talk about going to see OK Go. because i've loved this band since '02 and yet last Friday was only the SECOND time i've seen them. as opposed to Hellogoodbye, which i also LOVE and i've seen them like 4 times. twice in the past year.
but back to OK Go!
so first, let's go back, way back to Chelsea's late teenage years. this is summer '02 and i've just graduated HS. i'm hanging out at my now ex-best friends house and she goes, "oh my god! listen to this song! it's so weird! it says something about a Cadillac or something... just listen!"
the line she was referring to goes like this, "Aren't you just catch, what a prize, got a body like a battle axe. Love that perfect frown, honest eyes, we oughta buy you a Cadillac!" and i will never forget that hot summer day, August, standing in her living room. it was the kind of hot where the artificial cold being pumped out of the vents only reminds you of how hot it really is because it's serving to mask the heat. and i'm standing there, listening to these crazy lyrics, going, "what??? *listens* what??? *listens* what???" (by the way, put a full valley girl accent on that quote, and you'll know exactly how i sounded.) fast forward to me downloading the song (illegally) when i get home. then downloading the whole album. watch me read OK Go's bio on allmusic.com. watch me look at this picture
now go to last Friday. me and Tiff are somewhere in the mid-center of the crowd. good view. at the Fonda. way bigger than the Troubadour, but still small. and imagine my absolute thrill when the lead singer plays the acoustic song off the album right in the center of the crowd. right in front of me and Tiff! i'm too deep in awe to do anything but stare.
he jumps off the stage later on, right in front of us again. and i touch his back. like an affirmation, after all these years, that such a thing is possible. yes, he's real. and every now and then during the night, i catch a glimpse of that same secret smile. my reaction now is identical to my reaction 8 years ago.
well, i have to go to bed now. i could say a lot more. but it's too late. and all for the best i suppose.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
book signing
this blog, comin' at ya in three parts, is what happened between 7pm and 11pm.
Homeward Bound... i think
as i walked down the dark alley toward my car, fiddling with my phone all the while, i couldn't help but pause and think of Allison.
"what kind of person goes around walking down dark alleys?" i had said incredulously.
apparently, i do.*
so i set my GPS to guide me home, and... there's a crucial moment when you're being directed by a navigation system where it tells you to make a turn and gives you time to switch lanes. at this particular moment, my mother called. i panicked. if i picked up the phone, i wouldn't hear the navigation directions. if i let it keep ringing, i wouldn't hear the navigation directions. i rejected the call and saw that i was in the wrong lane and would not be able to make a right turn.
"oh, no. i'm lost."
so, of course, i panic even more and when the GPS tells me to make a right in half a mile, i make the first right i see. and when the GPS tells me to take a left in 3/4 miles, i take the first left i see. i, finally, start listening to the logical side of my consciousness that, by this time, is screaming, "Chelsea! what the fuck are you doing? LISTEN TO THE GPS! JUST FOLLOW THE INTRUCTIONS!"
so i take a deep breath, say, "ok," and follow the navigation's instructions till i'm home.
On the Catwalk
so, GPS navigation systems are useful and hilarious tools. useful in that they get you places, hilarious in that they butcher street names. Hazletine is has-ul-tine. Cañon (canyon) is canon. and La Cienega (see-en-egg-a) is La see-nigga.
once i found the place on La SeeNigga, it was time to play the parking game! i circle the block 3 times before i find a spot in the alley that doesn't threaten to tow my car if i'm not a patron of Blockbuster** or a resident.
after parking, i find i'm not the only one favoring this alley way. apparently, it is also a good place to learn to walk like a model in 6 inch stiletto heels. taught, of course, by a tall black gay man. i mean, to be honest, i wasn't a block away from the Beverly Center, so i wasn't exactly thrown by seeing a tall black man in heels. i was more shocked by how fancy and chic they were. i was more shocked to see someone drive up and drop off pink, sparkly heels for the model. i was more shocked that they felt this alley was a good place to practice.
at the door, people were checking names off a list. i wasn't on this list. i asked if you had to be on the list. the guy said that if there were any no-shows, he would let me in a 8pm. so i had 15 minutes to kill. i sat in my car***, chatted with my mom on the phone, and surreptitiously watched the model-walk lessons.
Blow It Up
to do anything interesting, you have to drive over the hill, out of the sunny Valley, and down into the wonderful chaos that is Hollywood, Beverly Hills, and eventually, the coast. you are not in Kansas anymore. it would not be unusual if you did, in fact, run into representatives of the Lollipop Guild.
this is the perfect place for a book signing by Chuck Palahniuk, an author whose characters would feel right at home in WeHo (way-ho)****.
at 8pm i walk to the door, pay for a book (which is the entrance fee), and get an assigned seat in the front row.
so the basis of "Tell All" is the story of a woman who's award is weighing her down. (that was the crappiest explanation ever, but i need to move on.) and apparently Chuck likes to have games during his readings. so he got a bunch of blow up award statues. i mean, these things stood about 5 feet tall. and there were two rounds where you had to blow these up as fast as you could, and in the last round you had to blow up a giant heart. the few who could blow these up the quickest would get a blow up turkey as a prize.
"I saw these and I just HAD to get them!" says Chuck, admiring the signed turkey he's holding up.
he was nervous. but he played it off well. only if you were really paying attention (watching his hands shake as he turned the pages, watching him play with a ring while he answered questions) would you realize his nervousness. his voice didn't waiver, his eyes didn't wander. when he stops to think before answering a question, he goes into a kind of suspended animation. he crosses his arms, presses his lips together, stares straight ahead, and just stays there. not moving. then he reanimates and says his answer.
one thing i did not like. NO PICTURES! who doesn't allow pictures?!
it was a strange night. but i would have been disappointed had it not been. :)
*i would like to point out that i still stick firm to my stance that a gun would not have improved my situation had there randomly been 5 guys there waiting to pounce.
**seriously, Blockbuster? you're gonna pretend you can fill all those spots? cuz we both know you're a dinosaur sinking in the tar of the internet. not even half of the parking spaces were taken! and we both know most of those cars belonged to employees.
***this car is not, in fact, mine, but a rental. short story: the car freaked out on me on my way home from work on Monday and we rented a car for the week on Tuesday morning. the work is under warranty, so no new cost on our part. and in fact the work is finished and we've gotten the car back, but we still have the rental.
****WeHo, or West Hollywood, if you don't already know, is SoCal's gay capital. (SanFran or Frisco, obviously being NorCal's captial.) there is also a NoHo. and to be fair, it is north of Hollywood, though not actually in Hollywood at all. it's in the Valley. i spent most my childhood there. by the way, we seem to like our shortened names here in Cali.
Homeward Bound... i think
as i walked down the dark alley toward my car, fiddling with my phone all the while, i couldn't help but pause and think of Allison.
"what kind of person goes around walking down dark alleys?" i had said incredulously.
apparently, i do.*
so i set my GPS to guide me home, and... there's a crucial moment when you're being directed by a navigation system where it tells you to make a turn and gives you time to switch lanes. at this particular moment, my mother called. i panicked. if i picked up the phone, i wouldn't hear the navigation directions. if i let it keep ringing, i wouldn't hear the navigation directions. i rejected the call and saw that i was in the wrong lane and would not be able to make a right turn.
"oh, no. i'm lost."
so, of course, i panic even more and when the GPS tells me to make a right in half a mile, i make the first right i see. and when the GPS tells me to take a left in 3/4 miles, i take the first left i see. i, finally, start listening to the logical side of my consciousness that, by this time, is screaming, "Chelsea! what the fuck are you doing? LISTEN TO THE GPS! JUST FOLLOW THE INTRUCTIONS!"
so i take a deep breath, say, "ok," and follow the navigation's instructions till i'm home.
On the Catwalk
so, GPS navigation systems are useful and hilarious tools. useful in that they get you places, hilarious in that they butcher street names. Hazletine is has-ul-tine. Cañon (canyon) is canon. and La Cienega (see-en-egg-a) is La see-nigga.
once i found the place on La SeeNigga, it was time to play the parking game! i circle the block 3 times before i find a spot in the alley that doesn't threaten to tow my car if i'm not a patron of Blockbuster** or a resident.
after parking, i find i'm not the only one favoring this alley way. apparently, it is also a good place to learn to walk like a model in 6 inch stiletto heels. taught, of course, by a tall black gay man. i mean, to be honest, i wasn't a block away from the Beverly Center, so i wasn't exactly thrown by seeing a tall black man in heels. i was more shocked by how fancy and chic they were. i was more shocked to see someone drive up and drop off pink, sparkly heels for the model. i was more shocked that they felt this alley was a good place to practice.
at the door, people were checking names off a list. i wasn't on this list. i asked if you had to be on the list. the guy said that if there were any no-shows, he would let me in a 8pm. so i had 15 minutes to kill. i sat in my car***, chatted with my mom on the phone, and surreptitiously watched the model-walk lessons.
Blow It Up
to do anything interesting, you have to drive over the hill, out of the sunny Valley, and down into the wonderful chaos that is Hollywood, Beverly Hills, and eventually, the coast. you are not in Kansas anymore. it would not be unusual if you did, in fact, run into representatives of the Lollipop Guild.
this is the perfect place for a book signing by Chuck Palahniuk, an author whose characters would feel right at home in WeHo (way-ho)****.
at 8pm i walk to the door, pay for a book (which is the entrance fee), and get an assigned seat in the front row.
so the basis of "Tell All" is the story of a woman who's award is weighing her down. (that was the crappiest explanation ever, but i need to move on.) and apparently Chuck likes to have games during his readings. so he got a bunch of blow up award statues. i mean, these things stood about 5 feet tall. and there were two rounds where you had to blow these up as fast as you could, and in the last round you had to blow up a giant heart. the few who could blow these up the quickest would get a blow up turkey as a prize.
"I saw these and I just HAD to get them!" says Chuck, admiring the signed turkey he's holding up.
he was nervous. but he played it off well. only if you were really paying attention (watching his hands shake as he turned the pages, watching him play with a ring while he answered questions) would you realize his nervousness. his voice didn't waiver, his eyes didn't wander. when he stops to think before answering a question, he goes into a kind of suspended animation. he crosses his arms, presses his lips together, stares straight ahead, and just stays there. not moving. then he reanimates and says his answer.
one thing i did not like. NO PICTURES! who doesn't allow pictures?!
it was a strange night. but i would have been disappointed had it not been. :)
*i would like to point out that i still stick firm to my stance that a gun would not have improved my situation had there randomly been 5 guys there waiting to pounce.
**seriously, Blockbuster? you're gonna pretend you can fill all those spots? cuz we both know you're a dinosaur sinking in the tar of the internet. not even half of the parking spaces were taken! and we both know most of those cars belonged to employees.
***this car is not, in fact, mine, but a rental. short story: the car freaked out on me on my way home from work on Monday and we rented a car for the week on Tuesday morning. the work is under warranty, so no new cost on our part. and in fact the work is finished and we've gotten the car back, but we still have the rental.
****WeHo, or West Hollywood, if you don't already know, is SoCal's gay capital. (SanFran or Frisco, obviously being NorCal's captial.) there is also a NoHo. and to be fair, it is north of Hollywood, though not actually in Hollywood at all. it's in the Valley. i spent most my childhood there. by the way, we seem to like our shortened names here in Cali.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
sharing...
Had to share this. Because, strangely, it effects all of our lives. :/
Online PhD Programs for Mashable.com]
Online PhD Programs for Mashable.com]
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)